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Tuesday, 14 February 2017

MOVIES | 7 seriously gory movies to watch this Valentine's Day

I don't know about you guys, but my only Valentine's Day plans consist of finally ordering a massive greasy pizza (my first, since Veganuary, but in my defence I'm choosing a healthy one from Domino's new italian range!), and sticking on some really disturbing and gory horror movies.

Seriously, how am I even still single?!

It's not that I actively want to avoid the day or the idea behind it - because don't get me wrong, I do love a good romcom - but on days like today I like saying a big 'eff you' to being single and watching the most-gory-and-least-lovey-dovey movie I can find.

If you're like me and prefer to be sickened by blood and guts as opposed to overly romantic displays of affection today, then some of these movies will do the trick for you.

Forget 50 Shades Of Grey, we're talking 50 Shades Of Gore here...

Formidable Joy | Formidable Joy Blog | Movies | Valentine's Day | Gory Movies | Horror | Evil Dead

Although this one is a remake, I think the 2004 version is still considered some sort of a classic among our millennial, as it's usually one of the first horror movies a lot of people my age had seen. It's still a treat to see this on TV these days.
The worst bit | This movie is pretty much blood and guts from start to finish, but the dead baby always gets me. I mean it's more disturbing than gory, but still..

This one is a sure classic that not only managed to make people puke during their first showing of the film, but still manages to genuinely disturb to this day. Although it's not gory per say, the gradual transformation of Regan is certainly disturbing, as is her language.
The worst bit | I'm gonna go out on a limb here - yes, most people would say *that* head scene, but for me, it's seeing the possessed girl do some weird crab-crawl sh*t down the stairs that still spooks me out now.

I can't pick just one film, but I can say watching them all back to back with tons of beer and pizza is pretty much an ideal date for a horror movie fanatic. Man do I wish I'd bought the box set to binge-watch them all today, even if the character of Jigsaw is hardly scary these days thanks to funny memes and that one video where he's riding a childs bike and it just collapses beneath him...
The worst bit | Its been years since I've seen *any* of the Saw movies, but I'm probably going to say the trap where the man has to cut off his own foot in the first film. Yeah, the traps get more gory as the films go on, but this was still quite a shock as it was the first film in the series.

I haven't seen the original, and I admit, this remake isn't really amazing, but it's right up there in terms of gore, especially if you watch the 3D version. I mean, there's not a lot to be said about it really, but the links to Valentine's Day means it's a must watch this, er, Valentine's Day, and it's worth a watch alone just to perv on Jensen Ackles.
The worst bit | The crime scene involving the poor naked lady in the cheap motel. She just wanted to get laid, man...

EVIL DEAD (2013)
This is a firm favourite of mine and one that never fails to creep me out (or shock me). It's disgustingly gory, even to the point where you can just tell the director has tried to gross out the audience as much as possible (but still living up to the storyline in that sense, not just a film with tons of gore and no storyline like some of the Final Destination movies). On the other hand, it's genuinely a good movie, and Shiloh Fernandez provides excellent eye candy throughout. (Also, I've been told that although I haven't seen all of the original's, each and every one is a strong contender for one of the goriest movies of all time too!)
The worst bit | There's so many overly gory bits in this movie, but, for me, there's a bit towards the end involving a machete and a knee - that gets me every damn time. I still can't watch it without having to turn away and shudder, and even just writing about it is making me feel uneasy.

Funny story - my sister and I saw this accidentally once. To this day I don't know how it happened, but basically her boyfriend burned a lot of DVD's for her and we went to put on some romcom and instead we were faced with this movie, which was...messed up to say the least. Although to be honest, this seems to happen to us a lot - I still remember I rented us 40 Days and 40 Nights expecting it to be a romcom and not filled with sex. Anyway. It's about zombie chickens and took six years to get released.
The worst bit | I couldn't even tell you. I couldn't even get past the first half hour, but one day I will...!

It's a bit dated now, but Resident Evil is one of those old favourites that you might not ever purchase on DVD, but simply love to watch when it's broadcast on TV. There are lots of real messed up monsters in this movie, from The Licker to the inside out dogs, and, of course, Milla Jovovich absolutely slays in her role.
The worst bit | The laser scene. You all know which one I mean...

So there you have it. If you're single this Valentine's Day and you're looking for a cheap and alternative way to spend your evening, there's a choice of seven suitably gory movies perfect for a day like today...

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  1. I've seen a few of these and you have definitely compiled a great list!

  2. Thank you! Which one is your favourite? x


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