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Thursday, 29 September 2016

PERSONAL | Why I'm taking a break from (online) dating

I'm not going to lie - for me online dating is a godsend.

I can be notoriously shy when I meet people for the first time, and find I often need to have a drink in my hand (and some dutch courage) before I can approach a guy to talk to him.

Tinder, Plenty Off Fish..sites like that help a hell of a lot. They remove the stuttering and mindblanks I sometimes get when I talk to a guy, and allow me time to think of a decent response and think of what to say. They allow me to show my best side, both personality wise and physical, and although I always try to use photos that best represent me, it removes that slight self-conscious side I my mind sometimes taps into on a night out when I see girls prettier then me.

But I also have a love/hate relationship with online dating and find it's a vicious circle to find myself in. 

Sometimes I'll use it to scroll through endlessly when I'm bored and after some attention as, deep down, I really hope/believe that if I were to meet someone or the one, it wouldn't be online. 

I'm a hopeless romantic you see.


Don't get me wrong, I've met many a great guys on Tinder and the like, but I can't help but feel if I were ever to get married, I wouldn't want to explain mine and my future husbands meet-cute moment to be that we met online.

So then I decide to take a break from online dating for a bit - a week or so - to get myself out there more, properly.

But, for what?

Me and my friends go out to a bar or to eat and everyone is on their phones. No one has proper conversations anymore and I can bet that half the people in any establishment at any given time is already flirting or swiping away on Tinder/POF/OK Cupid/Badoo/etc/etc/every other bloody online dating website out there.

So what's a girl to do? Give up and give in and accept that this is how dating is done now? Or take a break?

In the long run, I don't bloody know.

But short term, I know that I'm feeling exhausted with online dating. Not that I'm some online hussy or anything, but I just feel like it's been so long since I've been 110% single.

Of course I don't count talking to people online as not being single, but for the purpose of this post, when I say I'm giving up dating, I mean I'm giving up the opposite sex entirely for a while/for a month.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't seeing/talking to/flirting with/snapchatting/dating someone. At any given time of day, I - like pretty much every other girl - have a conversation going, whether that's on POF, or arranging a date etc. 

And I'm getting fast fed up of having to participate in the same boring conversations over and over about what I do, where I live etc.

I'm also fed up of receiving unsolicited dick pics too.

really don't understand the point of them. How do guys expect us to react upon receiving them?

Do they expect us to reply 'whoa, I'm so impressed that I'm going to set this as my phone background and drop everything RIGHT NOW and come see you so you can have your wicked way with me?!'

But I digress.

I want - I need a break and so I'm going to take one.

For the next 31 days (at least, maybe even longer) I am giving up online dating and all that comes with it. This means deleting Tinder and the like, and no more flirting. It means no more taking part in casual conversation when a f*ckboy decides to pop up again, and definitely no dates.

It sounds easy, but I know it's going to have its challenges.


I don't think I'm going to find it hard not using apps like Tinder or flirting, but I do think I'm going to struggle when people I've liked/may currently like might pop up and initiate conversation - I'm going to find it hard not to give in to it.

I also think I'll struggle during those times like Sunday afternoons or Thursday evenings, when people are busy and I have no one to talk to, really. It's these times that boredom kicks in and I find myself swiping on Tinder or flirting with someone - nearly always out of boredom, and more often than not, because I like the attention.

Everyone likes attention and if I go for a few days without it, that's usually when I tend to succumb back to the weird and wonderful world of online dating.

A friend recently shared this article with me, and it really hit home.

Although I would like a relationship, until I meet what I feel is the right person, I am guilty, like everyone else, of agreeing to nearly every part of this article. I'm happy to flirt aimlessly on Tinder when I'm bored, and I'll even go as far to complain about the many conversations that go on and on and on without an end result in sight and without a guy actually wanting to meet in person.

But nine times out of ten, unless we're really getting along, there's still a big percent of guys that I have no intention of dating either. I'm happy to chat and flirt and for it to not go anywhere and quite frankly I'm fed up of it.

The article states:

"We “talk” and we text, we Snapchat and we sext. We hangout and we happy hour, we go to coffee and grab a beer – anything to avoid an actual date. We private message to meet up, we small talk for an hour only to return home and small talk via text. We forgo any chance of achieving real connection by mutually playing games with no winner. Competing for “Most Detached”, “Biggest Apathetic Attitude”, and “Best at Being Emotionally Unavailable”, what we end up actually winning is “Most Likely to Be Alone”."

- and this is just one of many parts of the article that I wholeheartedly agree with.

Here are my rules:

- no dating apps or websites. I have already deleted POF and Tinder
- no real life dating/flirting
- no sex (eek!)
- no flirting with f*ckboys or previous interests. This is going to be tough, because it's hard to differentiate between flirting and just talking. If an old flame pops up (which they often do when I least expect it), I'm either going to have to not reply or tell them outright that I'm on a no-dating challenge. Of course, this could lead to some awkward conversations, especially if they insist they just wanted to say hello.
- and, obviously, no falling in love ;)

So here goes my 31 (hopefully 31 plus!) days of giving up on dating and the opposite sex altogether - and yes, I will be blogging about it.

I'm hoping I can last until Christmas, which is of course the worst time to give up on the opposite sex, but for now I'm setting myself a challenge for the month of October and then we'll see how I get on.

I start on the 1st, of course.

Wish me luck and I'll see you on the other side..

You can also find me on

9 comments:

  1. Good luck, and I hope you feel happier in yourself for taking the break, I have never used any of these apps, but have seen tinder through one of my boys. I would honestly not know what to do it is all so different these days x

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  2. Good luck I hope u will be happier with taking a break from it. Ive never used a dating app or website before myself.

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  3. Good luck with your mission and I hope you find someone perfect for you very soon! Christine Dodd (Flowerpowerlife)

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  4. Good luck with the month (or more). I do agree that when you go out everyone is on their phones but it's just the way the world is now. I like having the option of online dating because like you I am a shy but I'd love to one day be out and just chat to someone in person for the first time x

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  5. Wishing you luck. I hope you enjoy the break. Sometimes a break is all we did to put things right. Online dating can be tricky.

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  6. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling people you met your partner online. I met my now husband online and that was 16 years ago!

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  7. Good luck with your break, I think what you said about everyone being on their phones is so true as well. Also the dick pics, I've never got it... Are you meant to be like 'Aww it's so pretty!' it really doesn't bode well for anyone I know haha! xx

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  8. I met my hubby online and we have been married for 12 years this year!

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  9. Good luck! I hope that it will help to have a break. When you're ready to get back into it, are you on Twitter? I met my husband on there and I find it's a lot more 'real' than dating sites. So much less pressure as you're just chatting with people who have similar interests/sense of humour etc.

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