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Saturday, 16 May 2015

FUTURE ME | A SURPRISE FROM THE PAST

Recently, I was going through my emails and found a rather interesting one entitled 'A Surprise from the past'. Intrigued, I clicked onto it only to find it was an open letter to my future self, written back in 2009 when I was 19. Boy was I surprised! Not only did I forget that such a thing even existed, but I'd completely forgotten what had been written. I used to love stuff like this when I was that age and I know it sounds silly, but upon writing you do genuinely think you're going to remember what you wrote in a few years time or that the idea of receiving a message from your past self will cross your mind from time to time. But I had honestly 100% forgotten and it was such a lovely and pleasant surprise.

The letter/email was written back in my first year at university, falling hard for a boy and with high hopes for the future. I must admit, the main theme of the letter was about hopes for my future..not many of which I have fulfilled. I ask things like - have I found the one? Am I living with my fiance in a cosy flat? Have I put my university degree to good use?

The honest answer to all these things are no, I haven't. But, I'm getting there. I have put my degree to good use and still continue to, but not in the sense that 'I've made it'. I'm not engaged and I don't have my own place BUT I am happy at the pace in which my life is going. I am taking steps to sort my shit out, and reading this has reminded me to keep on with it all. I suppose I was a little disappointed to read all my un-achieved high hopes for myself to, if I'm going to be honest.

I go on to tell myself that I'm happy, and to stick at love even when I think it's going down the drain. This made me happy. I spent a lot of the time regretting my last relationship when we broke up, because as it fell apart, we ended up departing on bad terms. It wasn't the most loveliest of relationships but this letter reminds me that I was happy too for half of it. I'd forgotten about the happier times and the fond memories. In a weird way, reading this made me feel like a bit of weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It reminded me that as much as I remember the bad stuff, there was good stuff too. I didn't entirely waste two years of my life with that one boy like I'd bitterly come to think.

Formidable Joy - UK Fashion, Beauty & Lifestyle blog | Future Me | A Surprise from the past; Inspire Magazine; Inspire Magazine Online

Oh to be a fresh faced student again - hopes were high and life was certainly much more simple back then!
Parts of the letter were bittersweet too. I remind myself to treat my family, to appreciate how amazing they were and all they'd done for me to help me get into university. I told myself I hoped I'd bought my mum and dad a new house or a new car (although nothing was ever wrong with the ones we had!) - aka, I told myself to treat them the way I always wished I could when I could afford to. I wanted to be successful and make them proud, to be able to use that money to buy them a holiday or a little holiday home by the beach. It makes me beyond heartbroken to know that I will no longer be able to treat my mum the way she deserved after such a tough life working so hard. I always told myself 'one day I'll be rich and I'll pay them back for everything'. Unfortunately that didn't happen and never will anymore. But, it still reminded me that I can still treat my dad and the rest of my family.

Finally, I praise myself for...simply being  myself. I tell myself never to lose that side of me, to never give up on love or trying my hardest in relationships. I tell myself that I always tried my best in relationships and to never give up that quality. And I haven't. I suppose that's something I'll always pride myself on. But I guess I did really need to hear my own advice, telling me to not give up. on someone, or something, or just love in general. Recently I had. But I won't anymore.

Reading a letter from myself was one of the best surprises and I think past me had some pretty wise words that I needed to hear. I'll soon be writing another letter to myself and would suggest this all as a great alternative way to taking a look at your life currently and seeing what changes you might want to make (or, if receiving a letter, which changes you'd hoped to make and whether you succeeded or not).

It was certainly eye opening for me!

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