Today (a little late, I know, I said I'd be posting the very night after but that just didn't happen...) is my review of The Amityville Haunting.
Admittedly I had high hopes about this film, I'm absolutely fascinated about anything to do with the whole Amityville saga. It's always interested me and I've watched countless documentaries based around the murders and the hauntings, so although this is the tenth film to be released based on this subject, I was hoping it would be a good one.
I was wrong.
Watched : On a cold rainy Friday afternoon
Essential movie snacks : A cornish pastie and a cuppa
Watched with... : Just Jasper, who was hounding me for food. I dared to watch it home alone which bore no difference to me as it wasn't very scary at all.
Score out of 5 : 1.5/5
The trailer makes it look extremely scary but I'm sorry, it's just not. The main character, who is a boy who films everything and just gets under everybody's feet, really cannot act and just comes across as annoying.
The film bores little to the original details of the hauntings - things such as the demon pig or the red room - that actually made the amityville hauntings stand out among other ghost 'stories' - were not included. Kudos for trying to break away from what is typically expected, especially being that it's the 10th film to be inspired by the amityville hauntings/murders, but unfortunately this just removes anything original from the whole plot and leaves the film to just blend in with other typical ghost stories.
Here's what else I thought, presented in quick bullet form, just because ;
- At least the realtor attempted to look a little bothered about selling a murder house to this family.
- I think maybe the over friendly dog walking neighbours were the best actors in this film.
- It doesn't even look like the house. So I guess by removing the looming windows that the house is famous for they're trying to be more realistic, but it's obvious that it's a completely different house. I mean yeah, that much is obvious, but they could at least choose a similar looking house to film in.
- His feeble screams (the boys) make me laugh. If I'd just seen a black shadow appear, I'd scream the house down and run out, or at least go tell someone. His reaction is priceless. 'AHH'. That's it.
- And the sex in the haunted location thing? Yeah, okay, each to their own but I'm sorry, you're not Adam Levine and we're not in American Horror Story so that just doesn't work. Mmm. Adam Levine.
- The dad is kind of an idiot. He's the typical type of dad that tries to install his unnecessary 'call me sir and do what I ask like we're in the army' attitude. Still, he broke down crying like a little girl towards the end, and I have to admit this was amusing. And it was pretty funny when he starts shouting after the daughter about being punished. 'GOOOO. GO AND PACK YOUR BAGS LITTLE GIRL. OFF TO MILITARY SCHOOL WHERE THEY'RE GONNA CUT OF ALL YOUR HAIR'.
- He also calls a two step wooden step boost a ladder as well. For some reason, this annoyed me. He spends a good few unnecessary moments glancing around a room deciding where to put this ladder - oh, you know, how about the only free corner right in front of you which you've already cleared from furniture - before placing it over one of the haunted vent things before exclaiming 'piece of crap ladder!'.
- It's really obvious that the dude playing the dad totally wants to do the actress playing his daugther too. Awkward...
- Oh and it also tries to be a bit like Paranormal Activity with using a found footage approach before installing cameras in the house. It doesn't really work. If you thought that Paranormal Activity got bad with all it's sequels, well, you haven't seen anything yet..
I actually fell asleep halfway through watching this. The cover, and trailer, makes it look like it's going to be very scary; or at the very least disturbing. But even the CGI used to create the 'ghosts' is below par. You'd expect at least some ghosts with freaky faces or jumpy moments to make up for the terrible acting and lack of storyline, but nothing comes.
And finally, the most cringe worthy and hilarious part of the film, one that almost made me spit out my tea in laughter and that I actually deemed funny enough to post a video of on Instagram, is the dad's priceless reaction to discover his daughter has an imaginary demon friend.
This was a tough one, because his over dramatic death was pretty funny too. And his breakdown, where he pulls a gun out and starts screaming at the floor and walls, pretending he's in the army and dropping to the floor and dragging himself along the floor.
In conclusion? This movie was NOT worth £5...
P.S Check out the Halloween tag for more Halloween related posts and further horror movie reviews of this kind!