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Monday, 17 September 2012

Some helpful wisdom for when...you want someone you can't have

There's a beautiful French phrase that I adore which refers to unrequited or unreciprocated love. It is La Douleur Exquise: The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have. What I particularly love about this phrase is how beautiful and romantic it sounds, even though the meaning behind it is absolutely tragic.

We've all been there before and there really is nothing worse than wanting or having feelings for someone you can't have - whatever reason that may be. We've all experienced that horrible gut feeling when we see someone we adore with another person - it really is the most horrible thing in the world. But what can you do? If you like or love someone who doesn't feel the same or who is already in a relationship, you're doomed to suffer, loving them from afar. You can't exactly break up their relationship or force someone to love you. But there are some ways to deal with the situation - it's the worst thing feeling like you'll never move on, but you will. Here's some ways to deal with that horrible feeling.

  • Put some space between you and that person. If you see them on a regular basis, it's only going to add to your feelings. If you have some space away from them, you'll find that out of sight means out of mind and eventually those feelings just might go away.
  • Accept that if you were supposed to be with them and that if they really did feel the same way, they would be with you = it's as simple as that. Obviously if they are already in a relationship it is a bit more complicated, but at the end of the day if they still truly cared about you and wanted to be with you, they'd be doing everything they could to make it happen.
  • You could try talking to the other person about how you feel. Generally, if they're in a relationship, you shouldn't really do this. However if you get on well and it really is effecting you badly, then perhaps this could be a last resort. At the very worst, if they don't return your feelings, they'll at least be aware that you feel that way and take that into consideration, possibly making a bigger effort not to give off mixed messages or partake in public displays of affection with others in front of you.
  • Find someone else to fancy - it'll be a nice distraction and could always lead onto something more.
  • Think about how it's effecting you and put yourself first. It's so easy to fall into the routine of liking or loving someone from afar and just 'putting up with it' because it's easier. But it's not, and essentially it's just making you miserable. Why would you want to pine after someone you can't have when in doing so you're probably missing out on chances to be with someone who really wants to be with you?
  • Scream it out! Y'know that moment when you see them kiss someone other than you and you just get so frustrated? Rather then doing something you'll regret like lashing out at them, find another way to get rid of your frustration and try just screaming the problem out until the image leaves your mind.
  • Think about why you fell for this person. If you find you easily fall for people who are already taken, it could mean something in the long run like about what you feel you deserve deep down. You know you deserve someone who returns your feelings and you deserve better.
  • Don't mistake how you feel for something more than it is. It can get quite exciting when you get close to someone who's already taken, especially if they flirt with you or return your feelings (but similarly can't be with you). When this happens, its so easy to confuse a simple crush with something much more because of the thrill of it all. Don't go declaring your undying love for them when you just fancy them!
  • If they do feel the same but can't be with you because they're already in a relationship - talk it through and do things properly. Don't cheat, even if you both feel their relationship is failing and they'd be better with you. Even if they end things with that person to be with you, it'll forever hang over your heads and you'll never get over it. That's never a way to start a new relationship with someone. If by any chance you do find yourself in this situation, do things properly. Give them space to think about what they want and how things are going in their relationship and eventually, if they do become single, give them time and space before you think about making a move on them.
If none of that works then perhaps it's time to accept that life can be a bitch and sometimes things just aren't meant to be. Don't pine over them, but instead think of the positives of the situation, like how you took the mature route and didn't cheat, or how soon enough someone who really wants you and deserves you will be on their way and you won't have to fight for their attention.

4 comments:

  1. I have to tweet your post, just amazing advice.
    Love advice posts so much :)

    http://alittlebitof-love.blogspot.ie/

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    1. Thank you! And thanks so much for tweeting it :) I'm glad you liked it xx

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  2. I'm in this situation right now! And I must say you give some cracking advice so glad I've found your blog :) xx

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    1. Aww it really sucks doesn't it? I've been in the situation a million times (though luckily not at the moment!) so I can definitely sympathise because I know how horrible it feels. Thank you so much and thanks for having a look at the blog :) xx

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