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Monday, 6 August 2012

Some helpful wisdom for when...you're going through a break up

Absolutely everyone suffers a break up at least once in their life and unfortunately, it's always really tough. It doesn't matter how long you were together for or even why you broke up - it will always be hard and unfortunately, it never gets any easier. However, sometimes a few of us are always victim to making the break up harder on ourselves - I find it hard to let go of people and I'm very much a fighter when it comes to relationships - rarely ever giving up - so I know that I've made things hard on myself in the past for dragging things out. Although there's never one right way to 'get over' someone (and in all honesty I believe that you're never quite over someone till the next person comes along), there are some tips that can help.

  • First and foremost, cut of all contact. And I mean ALL ties - blocking and deleting numbers stops you giving in, as well as blocking on Facebook and other means of talking. You've got to be nasty to be nice here to give them a chance to move on. Absolutely no good can come out of still being in contact with an ex after you've split, even though you may think comforting each other would be helpful as essentially you're going through exactly the same thing. However, it actually drags out the relationship and having that person still in your life not only makes it harder to move on, but also may cause more pain as they start to move on and see other people themselves. I believe you actually have a better chance of getting back with somebody - if that's what you want - if you cut all ties immediately. Giving each other that space will give you both more perspective on the situation, as well as a chance to miss each other. Once you've begun to heal and there's still something there, you've got more chance of working things out as you've had a bit of a break.
  • Keep yourself busy. Nights are always the toughest, but if you keep yourself busy throughout the day - taking up a new hobby, reading, writing etc then you'll be too busy to even think of your ex.
  • Have some fun with someone else - IF you can handle it. Of course there's no better distraction then in the arms of a really fit bloke who you can have meaningless sex with, but only if you can handle the meaningless part. If you find it tough to let go of people anyway, it's probably not a good idea. But if you're missing the sexy times of a relationship and that's all then go for it!
  • ...but try and be discreet about it. You might think making your ex jealous will help - and sometimes little things like uploading a pretty picture on Facebook and receiving lots of comments does help - but how would you feel if you found out they'd immediately met someone else and was having meaningless sex? A bit of harmless jealously is all fun and games until it actually starts to hurt someone. You don't want to intentionally hurt your ex, nor do you want to gain a reputation for yourself.

  • Look on the bright side of things. Yes, it sucks big time. But it also means you get to put yourself first. You don't have to deal with all the negative parts of the relationship anymore and although you'll still be sad while you're getting over them, in the end you'll be happy and not upset or suffering from the issues you had in the relationship. You can waste money on yourself again, you don't have to put up with wet towels on the bed or stuff like that and eventually, you can finally start experiencing that beautiful feeling of butterflies on a first date again. 
  • Don't put yourself down about things. Loads of people lose a lot of confidence when they become single again as they feel like they are not good enough - not smart enough, not pretty enough etc. But really think about it - is your ex really the type of person to dump you over looks? Of course not! Try and see the upside of being single and embrace yourself in flirting with lots of sexy men.
  • When you're ready, think about why you actually did break up and learn from it. People break up because of all sorts of things - trust issues, communication issues etc. When you get to the point of when you might feel ready to meet someone new, make sure you understand what failed in your last relationship and try and work on a few of these issues so the problems don't repeat themselves.
  • Transform yourself. Once you're ready, a new haircut/hair colour or wardrobe is the best way to signify the new you.
  • Shit happens. Accept it. Sometimes it's best to just accept that it didn't work and know that if things were meant to work out, you'd still be together now. You can't mess with fate.

  • Make yourself happy. I know it seems obvious, but most of us forget this small reminder. Ever find yourself crying at night cause you miss him? You know what stops you crying? Laughing. If you're really feeling down, watch your favourite comedian on Youtube or a hilarious movie and soon you'll be giggling and your mind wont be on that person anymore - plus you'll be happy again, if even for a moment.
  • Start a blog, diary or otherwise. Sometimes when you're out keeping yourself busy, you don't actually take note of your own feelings. Starting a blog or a diary is a great idea to get those thoughts out of your head and feel a bit better, rather then bottling them up. Sometimes it might even help to write a letter to your ex, explaining why he hurt you and what you're going through. Don't send it, but it will definitely make you feel better. Likewise, a blog is perfect for when you get to that point when you're ready to put yourself out there - dating blogs can lead onto some great opportunities (just don't let your ex's friends get hold of the URL....)
  • Always, always ALWAYS delete their number before a night out. Drunk dialing your ex is NEVER a good idea. At the very least, you'll feel closure for maybe five minutes, only to feel extremely embarrassed the following morning. At the very worst you'll end up doing something silly and wake up with them the next morning, having to start 'getting over them' all over again from square one.

However, remember there are always times when you'll feel like you're not quite there. As mentioned before, I really do believe you never get over someone until you meet someone else special. You can be 99% over someone, but there will always be that tiny snippet at the back of your mind when you're feeling lonely or on a particularly bad day. I genuinely believe everyone has this 1% of feeling or something at least until they meet the next special person to occupy their heart and mind. And in a way, it's very true that you're always getting over someone until you find someone else.

Those are just a few general tips that personally have helped me or friends in the past, whether it be short term or long term. But overall, as tough as it is, the best solution is just time. You can never rush a break up and even if you feel attached to them much longer than you think you should, you should never feel guilty for it. It's hard to define when you're actually 'over' someone as you go through different stages and are constantly moving towards that point. The best part is, however, when you can say you still care for them, but in a different way. When you are able to care for them in that way where you just want to see them happy and can accept the relationship for what it was, appreciate it and be glad that it happened, then perhaps that's when you've finally accepted that you can move on and be happy.

2 comments:

  1. I love this. It's good just knowing that there are other people out there that go through heartbreak just as much as anyone else. That's why I love blogging. You have a community of support with no questions asked.

    I'm having a giveaway so if you get a chance stop by and enter!
    ~Christine
    xadayinthelifex.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! I definitely agree with what you said, it is like a community of support :) I entered (I think) haha, happy blog birthday :) xxx

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