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Monday, 18 June 2012

Some helpful wisdom for when...you're fed up of being single


I've been thinking about doing a few posts like this for a while now and I thought when better to post it up than on a Monday?! It's the start of the week, the weekend is so far away and usually you get that Monday feeling - everything feels 10 times worse then it actually is. So here's my little gem of advice for why not everything is as bad as it sounds....

Ah the age old debate - is it better to be single or in a relationship? In a relationship you get unconditional love - you get protection, you get someone to rely on and create memories with, you get cuddles (and more!) and you get that lovely feeling deep in your tummy. But when you're single you get to do whatever you want without worrying how it will effect someone, you get first date upon first date upon first date (including those amazing first date butterflies) - in fact you get a lot of exciting firsts! You get to have fun and experience with different guys, each teaching you new and different things about love, dating, life and yourself. You can't really compare the two - at some points in your life you like being single, at others you like being in a relationship.

Unfortunately sometimes when you're single - no matter how much you love it - you do get a bit fed up and crave a relationship again (in fact sometimes when you're in a relationship you crave singleton, but that's another post for another time)...I absolutely love being single, but there are times when I miss being in a relationship. Generally we've all been at that point in life where it's not worked out with yet another guy and we start to wonder what's wrong with us and when/if we'll meet the right guy.

Image taken from Tumblr.com
But here's my helpful gem of advice. When I feel like that - I remind myself these things and instantly feel better. You have to date some guys that are wrong for you and you have to make mistakes before you meet the right guy. Why? Because every relationship is an experience. Every relationship, every fling - you all come away from them learning something new. It can be absolutely anything - you could learn just how important trust is in a relationship when it doesn't work out with someone through lack of trust. You could learn that by shutting yourself down during an argument - perhaps the way you deal with stress - doesn't really work and that communication is important. You might even learn that *those* types of guys are never good for you, or that by putting five kisses on the end of each text to your fling indicates that you're coming on too strong and therefore it scares him off.

Now, imagine for a second if you met the right guy - if you met the one - before you had all these experiences and learnt all these things. Imagine if you met someone who was absolutely perfect for you and you truly believed it was fate that brought you together. Got it? Now imagine that you never learnt just how important trust and communication is. Just think about what would happen (like what happened in all those other relationships) if you and your partner didn't trust each other and didn't communicate with each other. It would slowly wear you both down and tear you apart. If you messed that up with the one guy you were meant to be with, with the guy who you were meant to one day marry, you'd kick yourself, right? You'd lose the love of your life simply because you never experienced what it does to a relationship when you don't trust someone or communicate with them. And there are so many other things to learn, but trust and communication is just a general example.

That's why you have to date a lot of idiots before you can meet the right guy. To learn from the relationships so when the real thing rolls around, you'll get it right. Sure, you'll probably still mess up from time to time anyway - after all, everyone makes mistakes - but the right guy? He'll forgive you for these things. (What I mean here is that generally when the right person comes along he won't be like other guys and will be more forgiving, accepting that you make mistakes and forgiving you for one offs. However just so I'm not contradicting myself, as perfect as this guy might be for you, everyone can only take so much of something! So like I said in the paragraph before, this right guy will be more forgiving towards mistakes, but that doesn't mean he'll stick around with constant problems like lack of communication tearing a relationship apart because, after all, he's only human too!).


Image taken from Tumblr.com
My favourite quote of all time is 'Nothing worth having ever comes easy' (Said by Bob Kelso from Scrubs, naturally!) and that's so, so true. Every bad relationship you have is just gearing you up for the right one. All the tears you cry, all the break ups you have to go through - that's why! And even more so, the more bad stuff you go through, the more you'll appreciate it when you get to finally go through the good stuff with the right one.

So yeah, being single sucks sometimes. And maybe that one night stand last weekend didn't teach you too much (except that a bit of fun is okay sometimes) BUT it all works out in the end. And the best part is knowing that somewhere out there, there's someone perfect for you. Someone who loves all the things you love, but isn't scared to challenge you every once and a while. I don't know what the perfect person is like for you, but they're there somewhere. Personally every time I endure a break up, it helps me realize what I will and won't tolerate in a relationship. Yes, every ex boyfriend and every ex fling, I'm looking at you - none of you took me to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park! But thank you very much for that because it taught me that the right guy will love Christmas just as much as I do and will take me there without me having to even ask! And then something bubbles deep inside me and I get excited about when this perfect guy will eventually come along. Because there is nothing better then sharing your life with someone, when the time is right and when the person is right. And there's nothing more exciting when you know that special person is out there probably thinking the same as you, waiting to meet you.

Other reasons why you might be single right now -
  • You deserve better than the guys you know right now
  • It might just not be the right time for something serious at the moment
  • You don't have to put up with the bad points of a relationship like being cheated on or lied to
  • The guy you're meant to be with might not even be single himself yet
  • Shia LaBeouf/Ryan Reynolds/Ian Somerhalder (delete as appropriate) hasn't moved to your hometown yet, and we all know you couldn't have a long distance relationship with them (or go too long without seeing their sexy bodies!)
  • You might simply not be ready for a relationship right now - you've had enough of the serious stuff and just want a bit of fun for the meantime
  • You're only young - you don't want to settle down with the right guy too early and regret later on in life not having enough fun (with other men or otherwise!)
  • You're just not ready right now - you're still trying to lose a bit of weight, you haven't taken that year out traveling yet and you're still trying to achieve your dream job - you want to be at your very best with your life as sorted out as it can be when you meet him, right?

So if you're single and you're finding it tough, just remember that. It'll all be worth it in the end and you might not see it now, but one day you'll understand why it didn't work out with anyone else. In the meantime, have fun getting out there and making mistakes because they'll only lead you to the right person in the end!

If you're single - do you ever feel like this? What about if you're in a relationship - are you now, on some level, thankful for your past and what its taught you? Leave me a comment below and let me know what you think - and keep your eye out for a similar 'helpful wisdom' post coming up soon - don't be afraid to suggest any subjects you'd like some advice on!

4 comments:

  1. Such amazing advice :] Wish i'd heard this years ago - but then like you said, maybe it's better I didn't. If I hadn't had such bad experiences with other guys I wonder if i'd be able to appreciate what an amazing guy I have now. Someone close is going through a tough break up at the moment, maybe this post is just what I need to share with them! I was looking for the right thing to say, and you've done it perfectly :] x

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    1. Aww thank you, I'm so pleased you think it's good advice! It seems so obvious but it's something people always forget and I'm glad you find the right guy after going out with so many idiots :) I hope the person you know who is going through a break up is okay, tell them to keep their chin up :) xxx

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